Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
