i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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