Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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