i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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