Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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