I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
