i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
