You made me cry and you don't even care
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
