Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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