its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
