Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
