I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
