she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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