I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
