I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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