I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
