Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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