she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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