is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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