Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
