I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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