oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
