we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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