nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
