Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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