her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
