I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
