I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
