Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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