She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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