So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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