I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
