Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
