cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
