Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
