If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
