grandma shit on top of the toilet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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