Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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