She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
