So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Enjoy the penises
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
