The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
