Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A bitchslap is in order.
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