First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
nutella sex= disaster
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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