I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
