So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
