they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
