how can u be prego again
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
