a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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