Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
