i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's get the cat blown out
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
