so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
