I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he puts the penis in happiness.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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