filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
