He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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