I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk is a universal language darling
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
