We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
