im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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