I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
