at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
