i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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